Most kids will want to know how to tie their own shoes by age 5. Children that show no interest in learning or have a lot of trouble learning it often have dyslexia or ADHD or both.
My son has ADHD and I thought he would never learn. It was getting harder and harder to find shoes with velcro closings.
Finally I wrote a little song that went with the actions and we practiced together, me on my shoe and he on his, step by step.
As he got each step right, I gave him a few goldfish crackers as reward.
I had good luck with pretending as if I forgot a step so he could correct my diligent work. (You know how our kids love that.)
I’d stick out my tongue, really concentrating, and entertaining him. After about three concentrated attempts with this method, he got it.
And we got him a beautiful pair of big-boy tennis shoes to celebrate. It was oh so fine.
The secrets are these:
*Your child practices on his own shoes while they are on.
*Sit beside him, not facing him.
*Make it a game with a fun little song that describes the actions in a playful way. Simply describe the process in a memorable way. As basketball hoops, or bunny ears, or tennis racquets… Get creative. The sillier and catchier, the better.
*Give him one-on-one attention. Good eye contact. Gentle pats on the back or on the arm.
*Reward each step with verbal praise and a treat. In fact, this is a good time to break out a little fancy dish with three special treats, like peanuts, pretzels, and popcorn. Something he reallllly loves.
If he grabs for it without trying, say “Give me a good loop over loop first and you may choose 3 pieces of your favorite snack here.” Then when he connects the next step of the process, double that. The secret is incentive.
*Stop before he gets frustrated. For example, “I can see that this is frustrating you. Let’s go shoot some hoops. You may feel like winning this game later.”
*Be prepared to teach him 21 times, so you will be patient.
*And tell others of his huge success (with him present). Social recognition is important. For example, “Granddaddy, did you know that JJ can tie his shoes better than I can now? Let’s give him a hand.” And clap.
Your child feels like a helpless loser when he can’t do things for himself.
He’ll be more likely to learn from you again if it makes him feel like a proud winner now.
Yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler
ADHD Parenting Tips
Tags: adhd, add, adhd odd, odd, oppositional defiant disorder, attention deficit disorder, pdd-nos, asperger's syndrome, aspergers, defiant, defiance, child behavior, behavior problems, child behavior problems, school problems, problem student, school behavior, children hitting, children biting, angry children, toilet training, potty training, social skills, social skills training, play therapy, therapy, adhd treatment, add treatment, odd treatment, autism, angry child, child anger
