How Can I Get My Three-Year-Old Son To Sleep?
A Reader Asks:
How can I get my three-year-old son to sleep at night, any time? He absolutely will not even get in his bed until 10:30 at night, and then he wakes up screaming at the top of his lungs. I’m about to drop.
I’m sorry you’re having these problems. It’s exhausting, I remember. My son had a terrible time getting to sleep until I started this routine. No naps, nothing, and I was fried. Later I learned that he had rather severe ADHD.
Here’s a few tips.
Take him to buy a special sleeping blanket. Let him pick it out. Let him feel it. Say, “You get to choose the perfect sleeping blanket just for you.” Always call it the sleeping blanket. (Not a bad idea to get two in case one is lost.) Make this a big deal. He may even want a little sleeping bag. Encourage him to get one that’s snuggly.
Set a routine. Each step gets slower and calmer. Each step involves a shutting down, of lights, of sounds, of stimulus. Be very particular about the order being the same every time. Write it on a piece of paper on the wall and follow it. With each step it’s as if you’re turning down all stimulus. Even your voice gets calmer and lower. No TV or any media stimulus after 6:00 pm.
For example,
*dinner at 6.
*Family time at 6:45. Explain that you learned the best way to help him sleep happily all night. And you’re so happy that he can get a good sleep tonight.
*Bath at 7:15.
*Snack and drink at 7:45 in kitchen with lower lights.
*Prepare for bed at 8:00 in his room. Set all his stuffed animals around the edge of his bed so they protect him and he feels safe. Explain that each one has a special job to do to comfort him if through the night. Describe them. For example, “Tommy the teddy bear has big strong arms to hold you safe and warm through the night. Just knowing he’s here helps you sleep.”
*Take a sippy cup of water to his room and set by his bed. Turn on light in his closet or bathroom but close the door to that. Sit in his bed with him at 8:15 with a book for reading time. Turn on oscillating fan near his bed. The fan is for white noise – he may need this. Turn off light outside his room in hallway. Turn off overhead light and read by lamp light. At the end of reading, when you hug him good night – say “I am so happy for you that you can have this beautiful sleep. You worked so hard today, and you really deserve it. You’re so lucky.”
*Turn off lamp at 8:30 and talk with him quietly. Now you are beside the bed. Some parents say the child’s prayers at this time. My son got great comfort from my talking about angels guarding him all night. “That’s their job. You can sleep safe and sound knowing that they’re doing their job to keep you safe and asleep.”
I always sang to him. the same song every night. It was the song “Stay Awake” – from Mary Poppins. He loved it. It is very long. And he wanted to hear every word of it. Stand by the bedroom door to sing. Sing slower and softer the longer you sing. By the end of the song, it’s a whisper. Fan is still on. You slip out of the room and tiptoe away. Keep the fan running all night.
If he gets up and runs around during any part of this routine, simply and quietly walk to him, take his hand, and say, “Let’s go finish bedtime routine so you can have a beautiful sleep.” And go right back to where you left off.
If he wakes up crying, do not turn on any lights. Not even in the hallway. Do this in the dark. Pull all the animals a little close “So they can snuggle you,” give him a sip of water from his cup there, and stand by the door, and sing Baby. Yep one more time. Same same, and slip out the door.
Be prepared to do this 21 times if you must. But do it absolutely the same every single time.
Get a back up fan in case this one breaks. You’ll need it. Just a little one is fine. And turn on the over head fan if you have one. He needs the sound.
This is a very common problem of children with ADHD, so please keep your eyes open for other indicators.
Good luck. You can do this. And it WILL WORK. That’s for certain. That’s important too. You must talk and act and absolutely believe that this will work or he will be able to read that you doubt it from your body language.
My son is 17 now and he still likes having a fan when he sleeps.
Please tell me how it goes. I’m pullin’ for ya’.
Yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler
ADHD Parenting Tips
This entry was posted on Friday, October 12th, 2007 at 2:55 am and is filed under
Tags: adhd, add, adhd odd, odd, oppositional defiant disorder, attention deficit disorder, pdd-nos, asperger's syndrome, aspergers, defiant, defiance, child behavior, behavior problems, child behavior problems, school problems, problem student, school behavior, children hitting, children biting, angry children, toilet training, potty training, social skills, social skills training, play therapy, therapy, adhd treatment, add treatment, odd treatment, autism, angry child, child anger, night terrors, bedtime, bedtime routine
