How Can I Get My Three-Year-Old Child To Sleep?

How Can I Get My Three-Year-Old Son To Sleep?

A Reader Asks:
How can I get my three-year-old son to sleep at night, any time? He absolutely will not even get in his bed until 10:30 at night, and then he wakes up screaming at the top of his lungs. I’m about to drop.

I’m sorry you’re having these problems. It’s exhausting, I remember. My son had a terrible time getting to sleep until I started this routine. No naps, nothing, and I was fried. Later I learned that he had rather severe ADHD.

Here’s a few tips.

Take him to buy a special sleeping blanket. Let him pick it out. Let him feel it. Say, “You get to choose the perfect sleeping blanket just for you.” Always call it the sleeping blanket. (Not a bad idea to get two in case one is lost.) Make this a big deal. He may even want a little sleeping bag. Encourage him to get one that’s snuggly.

Set a routine. Each step gets slower and calmer. Each step involves a shutting down, of lights, of sounds, of stimulus. Be very particular about the order being the same every time. Write it on a piece of paper on the wall and follow it. With each step it’s as if you’re turning down all stimulus. Even your voice gets calmer and lower. No TV or any media stimulus after 6:00 pm.

For example,
*dinner at 6.

*Family time at 6:45. Explain that you learned the best way to help him sleep happily all night. And you’re so happy that he can get a good sleep tonight.

*Bath at 7:15.

*Snack and drink at 7:45 in kitchen with lower lights.

*Prepare for bed at 8:00 in his room. Set all his stuffed animals around the edge of his bed so they protect him and he feels safe. Explain that each one has a special job to do to comfort him if through the night. Describe them. For example, “Tommy the teddy bear has big strong arms to hold you safe and warm through the night. Just knowing he’s here helps you sleep.”

*Take a sippy cup of water to his room and set by his bed. Turn on light in his closet or bathroom but close the door to that. Sit in his bed with him at 8:15 with a book for reading time.  Turn on oscillating fan near his bed. The fan is for white noise – he may need this. Turn off light outside his room in hallway. Turn off overhead light and read by lamp light. At the end of reading, when you hug him good night – say “I am so happy for you that you can have this beautiful sleep. You worked so hard today, and you really deserve it. You’re so lucky.”

*Turn off lamp at 8:30 and talk with him quietly. Now you are beside the bed. Some parents say the child’s prayers at this time. My son got great comfort from my talking about angels guarding him all night. “That’s their job. You can sleep safe and sound knowing that they’re doing their job to keep you safe and asleep.”

I always sang to him. the same song every night. It was the song “Stay Awake” – from Mary Poppins. He loved it. It is very long. And he wanted to hear every word of it. Stand by the bedroom door to sing. Sing slower and softer the longer you sing. By the end of the song, it’s a whisper. Fan is still on. You slip out of the room and tiptoe away. Keep the fan running all night.

If he gets up and runs around during any part of this routine, simply and quietly walk to him, take his hand, and say, “Let’s go finish bedtime routine so you can have a beautiful sleep.” And go right back to where you left off.

If he wakes up crying, do not turn on any lights. Not even in the hallway. Do this in the dark. Pull all the animals a little close “So they can snuggle you,”  give him a sip of water from his cup there, and stand by the door, and sing Baby. Yep one more time. Same same, and slip out the door.

Be prepared to do this 21 times if you must. But do it absolutely the same every single time.

Get a back up fan in case this one breaks. You’ll need it. Just a little one is fine. And turn on the over head fan if you have one. He needs the sound.

This is a very common problem of children with ADHD, so please keep your eyes open for other indicators.

Good luck. You can do this. And it WILL WORK. That’s for certain. That’s important too. You must talk and act and absolutely believe that this will work or he will be able to read that you doubt it from your body language.

My son is 17 now and he still likes having a fan when he sleeps.

Please tell me how it goes. I’m pullin’ for ya’.

Yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler
ADHD Parenting Tips

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This entry was posted on Friday, October 12th, 2007 at 2:55 am and is filed under

When Will My Child Ever Learn To Tie His Shoes?

Most kids will want to know how to tie their own shoes by age 5. Children that show no interest in learning or have a lot of trouble learning it often have dyslexia or ADHD or both.

My son has ADHD and I thought he would never learn. It was getting harder and harder to find shoes with velcro closings.

Finally I wrote a little song that went with the actions and we practiced together, me on my shoe and he on his, step by step.

As he got each step right, I gave him a few goldfish crackers as reward.

I had good luck with pretending as if I forgot a step so he could correct my diligent work. (You know how our kids love that.)

I’d stick out my tongue, really concentrating, and entertaining him. After about three concentrated attempts with this method, he got it.

And we got him a beautiful pair of big-boy tennis shoes to celebrate. It was oh so fine.

The secrets are these:

*Your child practices on his own shoes while they are on.

*Sit beside him, not facing him.

*Make it a game with a fun little song that describes the actions in a playful way. Simply describe the process in a memorable way. As basketball hoops, or bunny ears, or tennis racquets… Get creative. The sillier and catchier, the better.

*Give him one-on-one attention. Good eye contact. Gentle pats on the back or on the arm.

*Reward each step with verbal praise and a treat. In fact, this is a good time to break out a little fancy dish with three special treats, like peanuts, pretzels, and popcorn. Something he reallllly loves.

If he grabs for it without trying, say “Give me a good loop over loop first and you may choose 3 pieces of your favorite snack here.” Then when he connects the next step of the process, double that. The secret is incentive.

*Stop before he gets frustrated. For example, “I can see that this is frustrating you. Let’s go shoot some hoops. You may feel like winning this game later.”

*Be prepared to teach him 21 times, so you will be patient.

*And tell others of his huge success (with him present). Social recognition is important. For example, “Granddaddy, did you know that JJ can tie his shoes better than I can now? Let’s give him a hand.” And clap.

Your child feels like a helpless loser when he can’t do things for himself.

He’ll be more likely to learn from you again if it makes him feel like a proud winner now.

Yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler
ADHD Parenting Tips

What should I do when my toddler child says, “I don’t like you?”

A Reader Asks:

What should I do when my toddler child says, “I don’t like you?” She only does this to me. She even tells my husband that she likes him better than me. She’s only three. I don’t know what to do…

Kids don’t care if it hurts or not. They’re honest unless they learn not to be.

Your daughter is giving you important information. She’s probably telling you that something you’re doing isn’t working. I’d guess that she wants more choices and more personal power. That’s common.

Then again, if she seems to want to hurt your feelings (which it sounds a bit like to me) then you may be dealing with something entirely more complicated I’ll discuss at the end of this.

May I suggest the perfect answer to that?

“I hear you. Thank you for your honesty. You don’t have to like me or even love me. I’m just asking you to honor my requests.”

If she says “I hate you,” this works really well, too.

Set the timer and say, “How long do you want to hate me, 3 minutes or 5 minutes?” and set the timer. Come back when it dings and say, “Do you need more time to hate me or are you ready to play a game (or whatever she likes to do)?” Hold the timer ready to turn it to the time she chooses.

And you may want to start teaching her how to do some things on her own. Fold washcloths. Fold her underwear and socks. As much as she wants to learn how to do.

Three year olds can do a lot more than we give them credit for. Teach her little things throughout the day and let her try them. For example, how to get crackers from the pantry. How to spread peanut butter on crackers. How to get up on a stepstool to pour water from the sink. How to feed the dog. How to water plants with the water hose.

And start giving her at least 21 choices a day.

And spend time sitting with her without talking unless she asks you something. Just watching her. Letting her show you how she does things. What she talks about without any prompting.

One more thing. Try talking in short sentences, no more than two at a time, for a few days and see what happens.

This wedging herself between you and your other loved ones is a common complaint of parents raising kids that later test for having ADHD. She may be telling you that you don’t understand her needs and preferences of having it.

She may be trying to pay you back for that (I’m sorry to even plant the idea but you instinctively know if this hits home.)

It may not be a phase at all. My son (with ADHD and ODD) started this when he was two, seemingly out of nowhere and only to me. It really hurt me until I knew what was going on.

I’m not diagnosing or assessing, only suggesting that you keep alert for the signs.

I’ll be posting those soon.

I hope that helps. And please let me know if you have more questions.

Sincerely yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler
ADHD Parenting Tips

If your child has ADD/ADHD, ODD, Asperger’s Syndrome…

If your child has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, ODD, Asperger’s Syndrome, PDD-NOS, autism or other difficult disorder, or if you’re struggling with difficult child behavior, this is for you.

When my son was nine, I learned about a remarkable drug-free method that improved his at risk ADHD and ODD behavior by 70% in 21 days.

That was eight years ago. Now he’s 17, has a 3.3 grade point in high school, is almost an Eagle Scout, and is busily choosing a college to attend next year.

I would never have guessed then that my son would become the young man he is today.

I am so grateful, that I want to help other parents struggling now as I was then. So that they can enjoy family time more.

Please visit my website at http://www.AdhdParentingTips.com and sign up for your free report : “Five Things You Need To Know To Help Your Child Overcome ADHD.”

It explains ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). And explains simple ways to get your child to listen to you. To strengthen your parent-child relationship. And much more.

If I say something that hits you wrong, please let me know so that I can correct it. My goal is to help, not make you mad. Sometimes the best way that I can help is to tell you if I see (or read) the telltale signs of ADHD or ODD in your posts describing your child.

If that alarms you, I am sorry. It’s a lot better to get a little alarmed now than to find out years later that your child has ADHD or ODD, and you missed an important chance to help him or her when it was much easier.

I didn’t know how much I could help my son with ADHD and ODD until he was nine. That’s when I was warned that if I didn’t take drastic and immediate action before he was ten, I would likely lose him to negative peers before he was 12.

If I had started these methods when he was two or three, I could have saved us both a lot of heartache. And prevented his developing ODD. (65% of children with ADHD also develop ODD, and it’s 100% preventable).

I will not take sides on the medication issue. I will tell you the pros and cons if you ask. That decision is entirely up to you and your child’s doctor. Ultimately You.

My position is that medication only solves 30-35% of children’s problems of having ADHD at best. The rest is solved with play therapy (not the talking kind), behavior modification, and consistency. That falls to you and your child’s therapist, if you’re lucky enough to find one that knows exactly how to help you.

The methods that I discuss are known to improve children’s behavior 6 times faster than traditional 50-minute-a-week play therapy covered by insurance. That’s because they put you in control 24/7 to guide and teach your child.

I refuse to argue. You probably get plenty of that from your child. I only want to help.

I hope you will allow me to help you when you ask, and when I can.

Sincerely yours in parenting success,

Debra Sale Wendler
ADHD Parenting Tips www.AdhdParentingTips.com